Revelations from Tom Delay’s voice mail

As former U.S. House Majority Tom Delay Leader slinks away from Capitol Hill in what can perhaps best be described as an awkward retreat, media reports indicate that the disgraced Republican claimed, "God wanted him to get out of that race". It was assumed that Delay was referring to his upcoming race in Texas for his Senate seat. A report in the New York Times, stated that Delay informed Rev. Rick Scarborough, the founder of some far-right operation called Vision America, that he had received the message from God in just the past few days. However, transcripts of Delay's voice mail leaked to the press recently reveal that the only message from God to the former Leader was four years old. The message reads: "Tom, you’re a disgrace to the human race. Get out!" Apparently the message was either overlooked or misinterpreted by Delay's aides.

Delay’s relationship with God has been a troubled one. While the former Leader has spoken of his wish to transform the U.S. government into a pious theocracy, his actual actions often reflect un-Christian like sentiments. His record on violations of the Ten Commandments has raised more than a few eyebrows among some religious leaders. Like many former members of the Young Republican campus organizations, Delay has a long history of arrogance, smarmy hostility towards those they disagree with, and deceptive actions that even Jesus wouldn’t forgive. Calls to God for comments on this story were not returned by press time.

In a related story, a spokesman for the industry group Pesticide Applicators for America announced that their organization has revoked the former Leader’s pesticide applicators license and has no plans for hearing any appeals, should Delay choose to follow that course. Delay was in the pesticide business before running for office. An aide for the totally disgraced Republican stated that Delay had no intention of returning to his previous vocation and that he could be just as effective as a lobbyist.