Bush has July 4th epiphany, attempts to turn self in

Washington, DC - Stunned by the truth of his own words spoken as he commuted former White House operative Scooter Libby's prison term, George W. Bush attempted to surrender to his Attorney General, Roberto Gonzales today. In a brief statement released to the White House Press corp, Bush noted, "When I reflected on my earlier comment that 'our entire system of justice relies on people telling the truth' it occurred to me that the system might apply to me also, at least sort of."

Bush had stated to the press yesterday with regard to the Libby sentence "..if a person does not tell the truth, particularly if he serves in government and holds the public trust, he must be held accountable". Now Bush is claiming that he, himself should be held accountable for the numerous illegal actions he has taken during the past six years in the White House. Bush went on, "It never dawned on me until now that the law was something everyone of us has to, you know, stick too. All my life I've been allowed to do pretty much whatever I pleased, laws didn't seem to apply to me, and when God made sure I was the President I believed I only had to answer to him, now God tells me I have to obey the law and I'm not gonna' second guess Him."

Attorney General Gonzales, saying he could not recall any illegal actions taken by anyone in the White House, suggested that Bush's staff return Mr. Bush to the White House and meet with Dick Cheney to discuss what steps should be taken. Mr. Cheney's office has refused comment on the unusual turn of events other than releasing a brief written statement which said in part, "Since this office has only recently rejoined the Executive Branch and since Mr. Cheney is vacationing at an undisclosed location, we reserve comment until the appropriate time."

Bush has, in the past, made seemingly incoherent statements in public. "This may just be another one of the president's statements being taken out of context", said Washington conservative political observer M. A. Babbler. "Of course, terrorist-loving Democrat surrender-monkeys will attempt to make political hay out of it."